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Joy and Sadness

The last weekend of October I decided to take my wife somewhere overnight as a special treat for her birthday.  I knew it had to be a place that was reasonably priced but also close to things that she would like to do.  The place we stayed also had to have a swimming pool and hot tub.  The last time I stayed in Bar Harbor I was surprised at how hard it was to find places I deemed reasonable to stay.  I found a nice place but it had no swimming pool or hot tub.  A search online I did this year seemed to point to spending a lot of money to get that.  So I thought I would look in Ellsworth instead.  I wasn't dissapointed at all.  I got a nice room at the Holiday Inn there which was in the middle of everything.  We had lots of good food choices and the hotel had the swimming pool and hot tub.  What's more the price was right.  Not to mention this place was actually very nice.  I was pleasantly surprised with everything.  We also discovered Helen's restaurant in Ellsworth which is a must stop from now on.  If you like pie this is your place.  Their pumpkin pie was the best I had ever had in a restaurant.  We also went to Schoodic Peninsula area of Acadia National Park.  What an amazing place.  It is Janine's new favorite place.  We sat for hours on the rocks and watched the giant waves come in.  These are the biggest I have ever seen in Maine.  The sounds that come from waves like that are almost impossible to describe.  It is just a unique thing to witness that video can do no justice to. 

While on this trip my wife shared with me that she thought she could be pregnant.  Of course we weren't sure and outside of a pregnancy test there was no way to know.  In fact it was so early that it seemed silly to do a test.  It had only been a few days since a missed cycle.  Most people say you must wait a few weeks at the earliest to tell.  As the weekend went on she started to feel differently.  She kept mentioning how she felt like she was pregnant.  We both chalked this up to a cold she was recovering from at the time.  Her symptoms were ones I had felt a few months earlier during a cold.  Even so she couldn't stop mentioning it.  By the time the weekend was over she was convinced.  I was convinced she had talked herself into believing it.  The next day she bought a test desiring piece of mind.  The test showed that was was indeed pregnant.  I didn't know what to think of that.  How could that be right so early?  She went to her doctor who said it was crazy for him to even do a test because there was no way to tell. After the blood test he returned with some egg on his face as he told her she was indeed pregnant.  How did she know?  I was blown away she knew.  My first reaction was happiness blended with a lot of surprise and almost disbelief.  A few days later my mind which was so convinced she wasn't finally relented and the full joy of her pregnancy hit me. There was so much to do and we would certainly have to move and plan for her to be out of work.  I didn't know how we would do it but I knew I would work night and day to make sure that our child would have a good upbringing and that my wife would be able to care for the child at home.  In the coming weeks we told close friends and as anticipation grew we told everyone.   We wanted to wait till 12 weeks but we only made it to about 8 weeks.  We tossed around names.  We never decided on any but I came up with many good joke names.   Two of them that stuck a little were Ebenizer for a boy and Mehitabelle for a girl.  

As we neared Christmas we prayed at least daily that the Lord would keep our child and that there would be no problems.  Being an older couple we were warned in person and in print that our chances of problems such as miscarriage, birth issues and even down syndrome were increased.   Even so every week we counted off was one week closer to dodging all the bullets and a 10 week visit to the OB/GYN couldn't have gone better.  We couldn't help but feel a special connection to Christmas and the birth of Christ as we were also pregnant. 

On a one week visit to Michigan to visit her in laws at Christmas what I can only describe as tragedy struck.  I must warn you the remainder of the is paragraph may contain some information that is too graphic for some.  The Sunday night before Christmas my wife came to me and told me she had started to bleed a little bit.  We had read and heard from many that this can happen and even though I tried to console my wife she was worried.  I just encouraged her to take her mind off it and to the best of my knowledge she did the best she could.  During the day on Monday she was gone with her mother.  When she got home that night she told me she has continued to bleed and was worried because it was now starting to turn bright red.  This obviously indicated fresh bleeding.  I don't recall when exactly but I know we placed a call to the OB/GYN that night.  Our lady was on call and she called us right back.  She told Janine that it could be the start of a miscarriage but that there was no way to know and that it could be fine as well.  She said if it is going to happen it will happen and that there is nothing that can be done about it.  She said try to relax and not think about it and just live life.  She said not to change any plans or worry about it because it wouldn't change anything.  We went out to visit friends of hers that night and had a nice time.  I was unaware at this point that my wife was starting to feel a good amount of pain with the bleeding.  The bleeding was also increasing.  At this point I tried to just think positively but couldn't help but start to believe that this was the start of a miscarriage.  She was sobbing off and on and I tried to console her and was just tried to beleive it was going to be ok.  At this point I started to think maybe we should go to the hospital to get checked out however we agreed after talking it over that we would see how things felt in the morning.  Through the night my wife experienced a lot of pain and bleeding.  I kept praying that this would pass and that this was just a bad part of the nausia she can been experiencing for months at this point.  I am sure many can understand how hard it is to see your loved one in so much pain.  Even so she was able to sometimes find relief and even sleep though part of the night.  At 3am she got up and was in the bathroom for a while.  I listened carefully as I lay awake to see if she needed me.  She returned to bed and while I was able to sleep off and on she apparenly lay awake in pain.  I asked her many times if she was ok and she assured me that while it hurt she thought she would be ok.  At about 6am she went again to the bathroom and in a few moments I heard her cry out loudly.  I ran to her knowing it had happened.  I found her in the bathroom and just grabbed her and held her trying to console her.  I asked what I could do and she said just stay with her which I did.   In not long she felt a huge need to use the toilet for it's indended purpose (mind you that is where she was sitting).  She asked me to help her to another bathroom not wanting to do that on top of the fetal tissue that was now in the toilet.  I was able to help her there and stay with her.  She had a hard time walking.  Her face full of pain and tears and blood had spattered in many places.  She wrapped in a towel so as not to bleed on anything while we went to the other bathroom.  We got to the other bathroom and I stayed with her while she was just inside the door of the bathroom.  I got her a bowl because she was getting sick while all this was happening.  The mental horror of what had happened was truly matched by the physical.  I can honestly say this was the worst day of my life.  It would be nearly 2 hours before she was in any condition to go to the hospital.  We called her OB/GYN again who told her that it seemed like she had had a miscarriage and that as long as she wasn't feeling light headed it was ok to wait before we went to the hospital.  In one of the hardest things I have ever had to do I had to retrieve the fetus from the other bathroom toilet and we were told we should take it in with us to the emergency room which we did.  I just knew I had to be strong for my wife even though I fought back tears on several occasions losing that battle a few times.  At this point her mother was up and was helping too.  Several times she wiped tears from her eyes as well and hugged me as we were both dealing with this and doing our best for Janine.  When we finally got to the hospital they confirmed the miscarrage after some tests.  Her mother and I took turns calling people to ask for prayers and to let them know what had happened.  

This was a very rough thing to have happened a few days before Christmas.  It was horrible, messy, loud, painful and traumatic.  I watched my wife go through contraction pain that is compared to child birth.  We were told by people in the emergency room that the best thing to do is talk about this.  Maybe that is why I write this.  We have found it helps to have people talk to us about it and ask questions.  The more you talk about it the more you just get it out.  Keeping it inside doesn't help.  It only helps to heal by letting it go and just talking about it to loved ones.  I have really appreciated everyone who has come up to me and actually spoken to me about it when they have had a chance.  It makes a huge difference.  Even if they just say they are sorry.  It helps.  The emails, cards, calls and even facebook entries have also helped.   We are putting all of those things in a special memory box and we have decided that our unborn child is named Mehitabelle Thompson.  It was a joke name but it is what we called her in lew of a name so we have decided that is the name.  Thatis her name in Heaven.  We hope to meet you someday.  We love you. 


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 27th, 2010 07:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks Cat.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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